My wife.

Is such a lovely woman. But I still can't understand why she bought enough tulle to stretch across a football pitch. 100 YARDS of it!

My busy morning.

So, it turns out when Mitch goes away I revert to my usual working hours which are staying up late and getting up early as a consequence of writing. Or, burning the candle at both ends as my dad would tell me when I was a lad staying up watching tv or reading then getting up early and doing a paper round at the age of 12. So what does this all mean? Not much, but I was up late reading and trying to write Nigerian post-colonial monetary history last night and got up early this morning to organise collecting data on Hong Kong sterling holdings from the Bank of England. Then I got a buzz at the door - I answered (don't worry this is going somewhere, honest) to be told I had a delivery! That was a nice surprise. The guy asked what floor I was on and I told him the top (it's a 4 story building so not too high) to which he replied, and I quote, 'we don't do stairs'. Pardon? 'We don't do stairs, we're not insured'. So yes, that delivery charge I paid for didn't actually include the package getting delivered to the door. I would swear but I'm trying not to be to potty mouthed in case my in-laws are reading. (For swearing I suggest go here, here (sadly departed, but still makes me laugh) and here.) They all do swearing as I probably would if I wasn't trying to keep it clean.

So anyway yes, they don't do stairs. Because they're not insured. What is this? America? A place where suddenly even delivery men are considered so potentially litigious that they no longer have to walk up stairs? Ridiculous. And before I'm (perhaps correctly) accused of indolence, this is what I ended up carting upstairs (flat-packed) and then putting together:



I'm off to the Bank of England now. At least there they'll bring the folders I want to look at to me. I wonder how long it is until archivists are considered so potentially litigious that they'll be banned from that on insurance grounds?

Mitch's sub-consciousness.

Readers of this blog will have noticed that I have on occasion blogged about my lovely wife's sub-consciousness through the new favourite quotes I've posted. Well, last night was a particularly fertile evening for some real gems. Poor Mitch fell asleep before me then proceeded to have some 'interesting' dreams whereby she firstly told me in a worried voice that she 'couldn't do it - it's for online travel agents' and that she 'works for GS Operations', she didn't expand on what 'it' was, but suffice to say I think she was having a work related anxiety dream; she then fell back asleep after I woke her from her bad dream and then proceeded to wail at me that she couldn't shout on me as 'they' took me away as I was drunk and stumbling at the service station. I'm guessing she wasn't on about the police, but I can't be sure. Judging by the pain in her voice (as reassuring as it was disturbing, oddly), poor Mitch was in some distress at the thought of me being carted off, drunk and stumbling, at the service station. Poor lamb. So of course, I woke her again so she wouldn't be quite so distressed. She then fell back asleep before proceeding to have YET ANOTHER bad dream! This time, just as I was nodding off she says quite audibly, 'The girl died here'. This woke me up unsurprisingly and i asked her what she said, to which she responded 'The girl, she died in this house', fully waking me up in a state of panic that Mitch and I had moved into this flat where something terrible might have happened and she hadn't told me. So I woke her up and told her what she'd said. She was a bit surprised but then realised that it was something to do with the programme Medium on TV starring Patricia Arquette. So there you have it kids, don't watch 3 hours of Medium before falling asleep or you'll have nightmares. Isn't that right Mitchy?

And I haven't even told you about the time when Amber was visiting only to hear Mitch wailing and crying from the bedroom about 'the children and animals need to be covered', whilst asleep. When I woke her up she asked me if I could go cover the cookies she'd made earlier that night as she'd forgotten. Once I'd finished laughing I did and they were delicious. Even if they were made out of children and animals...

New Favourite Quote #12.

"Do you consider monkeys someone?"

MItch, 13/03/08.

Needless to say I don't. Honest.

Brrrrrr!

Mitch has just told me that it is -11F in Utah. That's -24C in our decimalised understanding of cold. If you don't hear from me in 2 weeks send out the St Bernards. Man that is gonna be CAULD!

New favourite quote #11.

"Goodnight Mom"

Mitch a minute ago after I tucked her in and told her I was going to bed as she lay napping on the couch, 12/12/07.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or be worried...

New favourite quote #10.

"Did the 7-11 people ever tell you if the mushroom stand was okay?"

Mitch about 2 minutes ago after she woke up still dreaming, 12/12/07.

Tuna kiss.

So I asked Mitch for a kiss, which she objected to giving me. So what did she do instead? Leaned over, pretended to give me a kiss then promptly cupped her mouth over my nose and blew her manky tuna and celery breath right up my nose. I feel violated.

Some honeymoon snaps.

I realise it is the cliche that every newly married couple wants to show people their honeymoon snaps and how it is usually very boring for the viewer, but I don't care. It's my blog and if I want to post pictures of pretty things on it then I will! Don't worry, I don't feature in any of them. They are mostly of Loch Fyne and the surrounding area.

Par example:



The water was so still that it was almost impossible not to take a good picture.



Mitch was very keen to see what it was like.



So she went for a wee dip and got learned. I tried to tell her that Loch Fyne was a coastal loch and was freezing!



She looks much happier in this picture than she actually was. She was shivering so hard it looked like there were two of her.

Still, the sunset was so pretty that I took about a million photos, here are some:



The sun cast a pretty pall over the boats on the loch and their moorings.



And one more sunset for posterity:



Loch Fyne really is beautiful, about an hour and a bit from Glasgow and you could be in the middle of nowhere. Or 18 miles from Dunoon...



It has some lovely wildlife. You should be cautious though, there are red squirrels (?!).



Mitch was amused by the sign too:



The Loch also has a pretty castle at Inverary, of course. It's a funny green colour too:



Inverary also has the best looking car park I've seen in a long time, and possibly the oldest:


It dates to the 18th century. Who knew the Scots invented car parks before cars were even invented eh? Top bombing. That's another one added to the list.

After Inverary we went along the coast of the loch to the Loch Fyne Oyster Bar, a renowned shellfish and seafood purveyor. They had pretty shellfish:



That ended up on Mitch's plate!



Check the size of that crab.

New favourite quote #9.

"I don't need to eat poo to know it tastes like crap."

- Mitch complaining about the juice I bought that she HASN'T EVEN tasted yet, 31/10/07.

I feel bad.

Since I posted that picture of Mitchy that was, shall we say not entirely flattering, here is another.


Believe it or not it was the first time I ever clapped eyes on her, although I didn't take the picture- I'm not a stalker you know. Honest. It was Amber wot did it! Isn't Mitchy pretty though?

Wife to be.

Just so you all know who to look out for on our wedding day, this is Mitch:


Isn't she pretty? The photo is courtesy of Amber, who can be found entertaining us all at the link ambertines on the right hand side. Thanks Amber!

Oh and I should note that that's not a mask she's wearing, okay? Honest.

Getting hitched.

As most readers will know, I am getting hitched to the very lovely Mitch. As a result, several of you have enquired about a wedding list and so forth- I've now included a wee link to the wedding blog we set up (having stole the idea from the lovely Victoria and Mark) which you can find on the links on the right. Details about the wedding are in there and there are links to our wedding lists, accommodation in Glasgow and other stuff we're still updating. If there is anything more you need to know, drop me a line and we'll help as much as we can. Cheers!

Constructive criticism.

On Friday night as Mitch and I were cutting through Marble Arch subway (not the underground) where we passed two jakeys (hobos for my American readership) sharing a bottle of vodka and a bottle of lemonade discussing the issues of the day. As we walked past one remarked to the other: "My darling, what are you doing with him? What is she doing with him? Makes me sick. I mean, come on! What a waste!" in perhaps the finest cockney accent this side of Dick Van Dyke. At first I thought he was talking to somebody else, until it dawned on me that it was us he was referring to us! It hadn't occured to me until Mitch started laughing before then going through the various other stages of grief- anger, denial, depression. Thankfully she stopped short of acceptance, otherwise I'd have been in trouble. She was all for going back and giving the gentleman in question a sermon (the other grief stage of bargaining if you will) on why she was with me, but I managed to convince her otherwise. I found it very entertaining though. It's not often I get my physical appearance assessed so brutally by jakeys. I think with that level of constructive criticism London will be good for me right?

New prize...

Since I promised a picture of Mitch's new jewellery (UK spelling for any American readers before you say!), here it's:




Needless to say those chubby little digits don't belong to the slender hauns of my good lady.

Londonium.

I've been told on several occasions recently that I've not posted enough pictures or said enough about London and how I am getting on down here, so consider this post as my way of making it up to you all. Mitch and I took a walk on Valentine's evening after a lovely wee meal in Strada by St Paul's (which will feature heavily in the following pictures since it is my favourite building in London). We walked round St Paul's,


across the millenium bridge,


on to the millenium walk along the South Bank,


where I tested the zoom function on my camera...


before we then kept on walking until we passed Blackfriars Bridge,


until we saw the Houses of Parliament!


with that lovely purple lighting at the bottom- where could that come from we wondered? Although not really, since it was patently obvious that it was related to this:


The London Eye! Aye, it's big right enough.


And allows for fancy looking pictures to be taken with the minimum of effort, or artistic talent,


before normal service is resumed.

Mitch and I then walked across the bridge leading up to Westminster, took a wander around Parliament Square, along St James' Park where we debated as to whether we were behind Downing St (we were, but it was awfy dark) and then walked along Wateloo Place to Picadilly Circus,


before we wandered along to a wee cafe called Stockpots West End where Mitch wasn't overly keen on getting her picture taken.


We then made out merry way to Charing Cross Station where Mitch got the Tube home and I settled for the train to Beckenham, but not before I took another wee picture of the wheel, this time in a different colour.




There we are, I do have a load more of other pictures (mostly St Paul's I admit) that I'll post in time, but for now that'll have to do. I have work to do!

Arrested.

Mitch got arrested yesterday. It was really surprising. They came and knocked on the door when she was in the shower and were insistent that she answer immediately. Of course the first thing I thought of was that they must have the wrong person, I mean what on earth could she have done wrong? Then with all this nonsense to do with the Home Office it occurred to me that maybe it was something to do with her visa. Much to my surprise then that they were knocking on the door because Mitch was being arrested for killing tigers and stealing money from the vikings who used to have lots but now have none. Apparently Mitch had been shooting tigers in the zoo with a gun. My 2 and 5 year old nephews had come to arrest her although I must say I'm not sure how much of what was going on was understood by the 2 year old who seemed content to just be there holding the police badge with a sword and shouting PWEEECE! at her. The poor girl, she had no defence. Not that she had been killing tigers or stealing from the vikings, it was just that there is very little reasoning with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. Much the same as the real police actually now that I come to think about it.