A thing of beauty.

I love Scrabble. it's one of my favourite games. It saddens me that I no longer get to play it face to face very often, so imagine how pleased I was to find that Facebook had it in an application called Scrabulous. Pretty pleased. Not as pleased as when I played the word 'tentacle' for all 7 letters out and a 50 point bonus. I was very pleased about that. Not as pleased as after my next go which will be ANOTHER 7 letter word out and ANOTHER 50 point bonus! LOOK!


I love Scrabble. I suppose you'll be wanting proof of my play though?

Here it's!


Who would have thought the word 'invalid' would make someone so happy? And before any of you start trying to burst my bubble- I play the games for a couple of minutes over the course of a few days. And yes, the thesis is *nearly* done. Honest.

Still, two 7 letter words in a row. That NEVER happens to me. I'm so glad blogger allows me to document this milestone in my life.

Laughing at the kitties.

I've primarily been laughing at this over the last day. Particularly the picture where it says 'Sup'. Every time I see it I crack up. I love the kitties.

London Traffic.

You all know how much London traffic sucks right? What's the answer? Well, as good as the Tube is, it is prone to delays due to all kinds of silly reasons. Primarily staff shortages if any of the announcements I cock my head to are correct. So what to do? Hmm, I think this might be the answer:

Hame to be.

Anyone wanna see Mitch and I's new matrimonial home to be?

Have a look here and here then. We'll have a spare room, which means of course that we'll be expecting visitors. Lots of them. That means YOU.

Oh dear.

I know this almost certainly isn't true, but it makes me laugh nonetheless:

Putting it about with Putin.

Vladimir Putin- master of all he surveys. I kind of love Mad Vlad. Or rather, not so Mad Vlad. He's like the archetypal bogey man brought to life. Scary eyes? Check. Ability to instill fear into all and sundry? Check. Kill you with his bare hands? Check. Vlad's a man's man. Now, I've known this since the first time I clapped eyes on him, but the Guardian on Wednesday in its infitinite wisdom decided to show everyone just how it is to be Vladimir Putin with its feature 'Putin's guide to being a real man' you can access here.

Sadly, the link doesn't contain the fanstasic pictures that accompanied the piece and demonstrated Putin's machoness (I know that's probably not a word) to the full. Luckily, google image search does. Not content with scaring the bejeezus out of anyone of a nervous disposition when it comes to oil and gas supplies in Europe, Vlad decided it would be a good idea to get some photos taken to demonstrate his manliness. Here's a few for your perusal.

Vlad showing up James Bond for the fictional character he is:


I particularly like the balaclaved men in the background. No such disguise for Vlad. It'd impair his ability to SCARE you to death with his face. Probably by looking at you like this:


Moving on to a more lighter side, Vlad decided to go fishing. Waders, green ghillie, checked shirt, wee hat with your hooks on it- those are what I think of when I think of fisherman. Not Vlad. Top off, army khakis and a pair of army-issue boots for the big man!


As hard as I try, I just can't shake the thought of Gordon Brown, Tony Blair or oor ain Alex Salmond pulling off the topless fishing look. But with Vlad? Well, he's clearly a natural. I wonder if he conducts government meetings topless as well, just because he can?

I particularly like this one:


No question, Vlad is a MAN! Or even, THE MAN! Or something. Vlad obviously knows when it's time to get out the guns and when to conceal. Or perhaps a halfway house for the two? Say a vest?


I think we're straying into gay icon territory here. I'm sure Vlad doesn't mind. I mean what kind of gay icon would dress like this picture below?


I mean, come on! Jean Paul Gaultier is a thief! Vlad did it first! Since, he's had his style stolen by one OF the most famous gay fashion designers, I think Vlad has decided to adopt a more tough guy stance, particularly in his foreign policy. For example, he visited Japan and 'accidentally' wandered on to a judo mat without his shoes on. Of course, once on the mat he then had to smite the Japanese Judo chapion with a Harai Goshi.


At least I think that's what happened.

Of course, Vlad manages to project a tough guy image around the world, but deep down we all know that he's really a very sweet family man right? WRONG! Or maybe half wrong. Vlad has some golden rules about women you see- you can read all about them here- but the short synopsis is this: 1) "A woman must do everything in the home" and 2) "You should not praise a woman otherwise you will spoil her." Sage words Vlad, sage words. Of course, I shan't be following them (honest Mitch!). My other favourite Putinism from that article is that he reportedly once told a boy laid up in hospital with a broken leg after being hit by a car: "That'll teach you to break traffic regulations." He could just as easily have said that it learned him, but who's realistically going to argue with Vlad?

I did wonder how I should finish this post off. I mean, what else is there to say? Vlad's impeccable manliness says it all really. Then it struck me! Vlad is pretty scary right? Could you make him even scarier? Probably not? WRONG!


Here's a photo of the world's scariest diplomant with the world's craziest diplomat- and they look friendly! Oh crap! Also, I should note that according to StackFacts the gentleman who's moustache you can see in between the two is almost certainly hiding the word RACIST underneath said moustache. Just so you know.

Blog referrers.

As is ofen the wont of the wont of the blogger, I checked my site visitors earlier and found some interesting facts. Since I endeavour to be a generous kind of fellow, I think I'll share them with you. Since they say that a picture says more than a thousand words (or words to that effect), I've taken a snapshot of the referrer details for visitors to this blog. You can have a squadge here:



According to the left-hand column, scwr.blogspot.com is my best link friend. I'd heartily recommend you visit there too- you'll struggle to find a more eloquently written blog that merges the mither tongue with English anywhere on the web and without the pretension so beloved of most 'writers' churned out Edinburgh way. Plus I like the title of the blog.

Mostly the referrer information is fairly standard or obvious stuff like "sunday clocks" or "sundayclocksarestriking" or "sunday clocks are striking". Nothing too odd there I hear you say. True. Then it turns out that people have visited my blog after searching for "electronic mouse killer", "billy ocean" & "dickie davies picture" (this pleases me immensely) and "rugby sodomites". WTF?! Rugby sodomites?! Are you joking? WHEN DID I WRITE ABOUT THAT?! Other than just there of course which will inevitably now double the chances of my site getting visited again by some rugby fantasist deviant. Other than Duncan Connors of course. Hur hur. (Sorry Duncan.)

Getting hitched.

As most readers will know, I am getting hitched to the very lovely Mitch. As a result, several of you have enquired about a wedding list and so forth- I've now included a wee link to the wedding blog we set up (having stole the idea from the lovely Victoria and Mark) which you can find on the links on the right. Details about the wedding are in there and there are links to our wedding lists, accommodation in Glasgow and other stuff we're still updating. If there is anything more you need to know, drop me a line and we'll help as much as we can. Cheers!

Constructive criticism.

On Friday night as Mitch and I were cutting through Marble Arch subway (not the underground) where we passed two jakeys (hobos for my American readership) sharing a bottle of vodka and a bottle of lemonade discussing the issues of the day. As we walked past one remarked to the other: "My darling, what are you doing with him? What is she doing with him? Makes me sick. I mean, come on! What a waste!" in perhaps the finest cockney accent this side of Dick Van Dyke. At first I thought he was talking to somebody else, until it dawned on me that it was us he was referring to us! It hadn't occured to me until Mitch started laughing before then going through the various other stages of grief- anger, denial, depression. Thankfully she stopped short of acceptance, otherwise I'd have been in trouble. She was all for going back and giving the gentleman in question a sermon (the other grief stage of bargaining if you will) on why she was with me, but I managed to convince her otherwise. I found it very entertaining though. It's not often I get my physical appearance assessed so brutally by jakeys. I think with that level of constructive criticism London will be good for me right?

STOP PRESS!

Aw naw! I've just been informed by the BaptistsforBrownback2008 website- a presidential campaign website for Sam Brownback the Republican senator for Kansas- that apparently wearing a kilt is not as innocent as I've been led to believe all my life...

You can read what these lovely people have to say about Scotland's national attire here. Be warned, don't have any foodstuffs or liquids in your mouth when you read it as they will inevitably end up all over your computer screen and keyboard as you laugh at what they've written, and of course I don't want to be responsible for your cleaning costs.

Obviously not willing to take this lying down, Scots and defenders of the kilt the world over left them numerous comments letting them know exactly what they thought of their assertions and accusations, resulting in a retraction. Of sorts. You can read about it here.


Now as you are all busy people I'll leave you some of the choicest cuts from their words of wisdom regarding the kilt:

"The kilt, long associated with those ghastly Scots, has seen a drastic increase in popularity among the jet-setting homosexual crowd. One manufacturer of this perfectly obscene item, Utilikilts in Seattle, was recently interviewed and subsequently featured prominently on the front page of Yahoo News. " Charming. Ghastly eh? Perhaps they've see the pubs at kicking out time?

"It is understood, that while the sodomite would unnaturally embrace the feminine attributes of a man-skirt or kilt, the main purpose is that it grants them easy and quick access for fornicating." Hmm, does this extend to women who wear skirts? THEY MUST ALL BE SODOMITES TOO! Quick, get the emergency trousers on everyone!

"No real man, not a heterosexual one with a shred of self-respect, Scottish or not, would permit himself to be caught dead in a skirt, unless he was playing the bagpipe while in Scotland, at a historically-themed wedding. Even then I find his heterosexuality suspect at best." Ooh, get her! I have to say I am deeply concered that somebody somewhere in the US finds my hetereosexuality deeply concerning at my choice to wear a kilt. I think I'm going to readdress my whole belief system in light of what I've just read. Done, I'm sticking with the kilt.

Their retraction begins- please, no foodstuffs or liquids, this is an absolute belter:

"Dear Angry Kilt-Wearing Men,

Obviously, many of you feel very strongly about your right to wear “kilts” based on the responses as seen in the post titled: The Sissification of Seattle. Regardless of how foolish a man looks in a skirt, I have spoken to several of your women via email who have convinced me that they believe you to be completely heterosexual. Having faith that a percentage of women, albeit a small one, possess the intuition to discern whether her husband is not taking her for a fool, and not out having abominable same-sex relations, I will agree to believe that some of you are not sodomites. That said, there arises an equally as disturbing of an issues, if you are not in fact a homosexual then why would you want to wear a skirt, or kilt if you will. The only rational conclusion I can come up with is that the freedom of not having slacks with sippers and belts, grants you easy access for spontaneous fornication. Providing that all intimate relations occur solely between yourself and your legal wife, this may not be a mortal sin, as is the sin of sodomy. However, this opens the door to instances of carnality that lay outside of the golden rule: Sexual relations between a man and his wife are for procreation, not recreation. Additionally, there is the problem of what does a man wear beneath his “kilt” which would deter him from self-abuse and abnormal excitability."

So, now that kilt-wearers are no longer all sodomites (although there is still the belief that at least some are, naturally), there is at least the very good chance that that they are probably sexual deviants who at the drop of a hat, or should I say lifting of a kilt, will inevitably indulge in 'spontaneous fornication'! I guess now we all know why ceilidhs are so fun! Not to mention Scotland international football matches, Scottish international rugby, the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, Highland Games, formal occasions and so forth. What sexually charged occasions these all are and poor little naive me didn't even realise. I'm getting a kilt ASAP, what a world of deviant pleasures I've been missing out on all this time! Oh wait...