Vladimir Putin- master of all he surveys. I kind of love Mad Vlad. Or rather, not so Mad Vlad. He's like the archetypal bogey man brought to life. Scary eyes? Check. Ability to instill fear into all and sundry? Check. Kill you with his bare hands? Check. Vlad's a man's man. Now, I've known this since the first time I clapped eyes on him, but the Guardian on Wednesday in its infitinite wisdom decided to show everyone just how it is to be Vladimir Putin with its feature 'Putin's guide to being a real man' you can access
here.
Sadly, the link doesn't contain the fanstasic pictures that accompanied the piece and demonstrated Putin's machoness (I know that's probably not a word) to the full. Luckily, google image search does. Not content with scaring the bejeezus out of anyone of a nervous disposition when it comes to oil and gas supplies in Europe, Vlad decided it would be a good idea to get some photos taken to demonstrate his manliness. Here's a few for your perusal.
Vlad showing up James Bond for the fictional character he is:
I particularly like the balaclaved men in the background. No such disguise for Vlad. It'd impair his ability to SCARE you to death with his face. Probably by looking at you like this:
Moving on to a more lighter side, Vlad decided to go fishing. Waders, green ghillie, checked shirt, wee hat with your hooks on it- those are what I think of when I think of fisherman. Not Vlad. Top off, army khakis and a pair of army-issue boots for the big man!
As hard as I try, I just can't shake the thought of Gordon Brown, Tony Blair or oor ain Alex Salmond pulling off the topless fishing look. But with Vlad? Well, he's clearly a natural. I wonder if he conducts government meetings topless as well, just because he can?
I particularly like this one:
No question, Vlad is a MAN! Or even, THE MAN! Or something. Vlad obviously knows when it's time to get out the guns and when to conceal. Or perhaps a halfway house for the two? Say a vest?
I think we're straying into gay icon territory here. I'm sure Vlad doesn't mind. I mean what kind of gay icon would dress like this picture below?
I mean, come on! Jean Paul Gaultier is a thief! Vlad did it first! Since, he's had his style stolen by one OF the most famous gay fashion designers, I think Vlad has decided to adopt a more tough guy stance, particularly in his foreign policy. For example, he visited Japan and 'accidentally' wandered on to a judo mat without his shoes on. Of course, once on the mat he then had to smite the Japanese Judo chapion with a Harai Goshi.
At least I think that's what happened.
Of course, Vlad manages to project a tough guy image around the world, but deep down we all know that he's really a very sweet family man right? WRONG! Or maybe half wrong. Vlad has some golden rules about women you see- you can read all about them
here- but the short synopsis is this: 1) "A woman must do everything in the home" and 2) "You should not praise a woman otherwise you will spoil her." Sage words Vlad, sage words. Of course, I shan't be following them (honest Mitch!). My other favourite Putinism from that article is that he reportedly once told a boy laid up in hospital with a broken leg after being hit by a car: "That'll teach you to break traffic regulations." He could just as easily have said that it learned him, but who's realistically going to argue with Vlad?
I did wonder how I should finish this post off. I mean, what else is there to say? Vlad's impeccable manliness says it all really. Then it struck me! Vlad is pretty scary right? Could you make him even scarier? Probably not? WRONG!
Here's a photo of the world's scariest diplomant with the world's craziest diplomat- and they look friendly! Oh crap! Also, I should note that according to StackFacts the gentleman who's moustache you can see in between the two is almost certainly hiding the word RACIST underneath said moustache. Just so you know.
